My husband has assured me that boys need to experience life. They need to stretch themselves. He makes certain they do. He expands their horizons and gives them vision for their lives. I know this is wonderful and a huge blessing, even while their behavior terrifies me.

Lately, I have reflected on this whole idea of making men out of boys. A few excerpts from McCain’s and Palin’s convention speeches put it into perspective.

McCain’s Speech:

“On an October morning, in the Gulf of Tonkin, I prepared for my 23rd mission over North Vietnam. I hadn’t any worry I wouldn’t come back safe and sound. I thought I was tougher than anyone. I was pretty independent then, too.

I liked to bend a few rules and pick a few fights for the fun of it. But I did it for my own pleasure, my own pride. I didn’t think there was a cause that was more important than me. Then I found myself falling toward the middle of a small lake in the city of Hanoi, with two broken arms, a broken leg, and an angry crowd waiting to greet me.

I was dumped in a dark cell and left to die. I didn’t feel so tough anymore. When they discovered my father was an admiral, they took me to a hospital. They couldn’t set my bones properly, so they just slapped a cast on me. And when I didn’t get better and was down to about a hundred pounds, they put me in a cell with two other Americans. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even feed myself. They did it for me. I was beginning to learn the limits of my selfish independence. Those men saved my life.

I was in solitary confinement when my captors offered to release me. I knew why. If I went home, they would use it as propaganda to demoralize my fellow prisoners. Our code said we could only go home in the order of our capture, and there were men who had been shot down long before me. I thought about it, though. I wasn’t in great shape, and I missed everything about America, but I turned it down. A lot of prisoners had it much worse . . .

A lot of — a lot of prisoners had it a lot worse than I did. I’d been mistreated before, but not as badly as many others. I always liked to strut a little after I’d been roughed up to show the other guys I was tough enough to take it. But after I turned down their offer, they worked me over harder than they ever had before, for a long time, and they broke me. When they brought me back to my cell, I was hurt and ashamed, and I didn’t know how I could face my fellow prisoners. The good man in the cell next door to me, my friend, Bob Craner, saved me. Through taps on a wall, he told me I had fought as hard as I could. No man can always stand alone. And then he told me to get back up and fight again for my country and for the men I had the honor to serve with, because every day they fought for me.

I fell in love with my country when I was a prisoner in someone else’s. I loved it not just for the many comforts of life here. I loved it for its decency, for its faith in the wisdom, justice, and goodness of its people. I loved it because it was not just a place, but an idea, a cause worth fighting for. I was never the same again; I wasn’t my own man anymore; I was my country’s.” (http://elections.nytimes.com/2008/president/conventions/videos/transcripts/20080904_MCCAIN_SPEECH.html)

Palin’s Speech:

I never really gave the sport of golf much thought. It was just another method to make contact with a ball. As this became our sons’ past time, I’ve had the opportunity to reflect on this activity and its effects on boys and young men.

First of all, it is definitely not for the faint of heart. It is a game that requires dedication. A golfer has to possess a willingness to work hard and persevere through trials and failures.  Golf involves continuous learning and a determination to acquire techniques essential to the game. It absolutely demands a commitment.

A tremendous benefit of the game of golf is the character training involved. It requires a great attitude and proper conduct on the course. I love watching as the boys learn and practice proper etiquette, showing respect for other players. Their integrity is tested as they learn not to erase strokes, to play the ball where it lies and to take penalties as required. As they replace divots, rake sand traps and let faster golfers play through, their concern for others becomes evident.

Golf has been a great  experience this summer. Our sons have learned to take their failures in stride and to handle their pride as they improve their game. They are acquiring the ability to conduct themselves as gentlemen even amidst frustration.

My husband has enjoyed hours of invaluable time on the course with our sons. He has given them lessons on golf as he continues to prepare them for the bigger game of life.

One of my sons is the sanitary engineer of the house. Every morning he empties and re-lines the waste baskets throughout our home. This allows me to be certain that every day we start out with fresh containers. He has taken ownership of this position. There may be an occasion where he forgets to complete his job, but a gentle reminder is all that is needed.

My younger daughter is responsible for stocking  essential products in our bathrooms. Every morning she checks the supplies and makes certain that each bathroom has the appropriate paper, soap and shampoo products that are needed.  She restocks from a supply that we keep in the garage and communicates with me when I need to purchase additional products.

In the evening, after dinner, one of my sons vacuums the hardwood and tile throughout the main floor of our home. It only takes him about 10 minutes and eases a housekeeping burden during a very busy time of my day.

I call upon my children to assist me in various and random areas during the day. All of them assist me in the kitchen as sous chefs, help me pick up toys, put away laundry, and keep their own rooms neat. However, customizing some of their chores has certainly been beneficial in our home. It has eliminated unnecessary negative conversations:

• “Who’s responsibility was it to empty the trash in the schoolroom?”
• “Who’s turn is it to empty the dishwasher?”
• “Could one of you vacuum under the dining room table?”
• etc.

Customizing chores has allowed me to train my children in certain skills. For instance, my son knows that one cannot run a vacuum along a white floor board. He also understands that one must actually move furniture when you vacuum and not simply run into the chair legs with the vacuum.

Our children have learned the importance of finishing a job correctly the first time. It actually saves energy. If one does not line the waste basket after emptying it, he then must clean it out as well.

Children actually enjoy finishing tasks correctly. They do not like being nagged. Let’s face it: nagging rarely works well. So give them tasks and jobs in which they can be trained and become experts. I even pay my children for their terrific work.

Discuss your expectations with your children concerning their particular responsibilities and teach them to follow through on their jobs. You will have a more peaceful home (and a little neater one as well!).

“Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will serve before kings; he will not serve before obscure men.”  –Proverbs 22:29

If I instruct my sons and daughters to serve themselves a snack,  they might choose an apple out of the refrigerator.  However, the likely scenario is that they will choose something altogether less healthful.  I can guarantee that they will not cut up and serve a cantaloupe or trim and steam broccoli.  I could instruct them to help themselves to carrots in the vegetable bin and they probably would comply before moving on to something they deem more interesting.  If, I instead, serve them a bowl of carrots accompanied with a terrific dip,  they will be far more enthusiastic about enjoying this snack.

Now, if I arrange fresh fruit or vegetables in a lovely manner on a platter,  my children will enthusiastically relish this treat. Fresh strawberries washed and trimmed can be placed in the center of a round platter.  Then encircle the strawberries with cantaloupe cut up into bite-size pieces.  This is a simple, beautiful and tasty arrangement.  You might tuck in mint leaves for extra color and texture.

Carrots, celery, and peppers in variety of colors can be a terrific treat when they are washed, cut-up and artfully displayed on a tray.  Serve them with a light dressing and they will always be a hit.

One of my children’s favorite vegetable dishes is a broccoli pepper medley.  My seven year-old daughter does not particularly like broccoli.  However, when I serve her this lovely mixture she always savors it.

So, aim for beauty  when you are preparing and serving fruits and vegetables to your family.

Broccoli and Pepper Medley

3 pounds broccoli, washed and trimmed into 1- to 2- inch pieces

4 peppers, preferably red, yellow, green and orange

1 medium onion, sliced very thin

red pepper flakes

1 1/2 cups grated mozzarella cheese

Butter a 4 quart casserole dish.  Steam the broccoli for 1 to 2 minutes.  The broccoli is best when it is still firm.  Overcooking will harm the integrity of this dish.  Wash and slice the peppers into thin strips.  Place the broccoli in the bottom of the casserole, covering it completely.  Toss the peppers and onions over the broccoli.  Now, sprinkle the red pepper flakes over the vegetables.  Finally, cover the dish with the grated cheese.  Broil for 1 – 2 minutes.  The cheese should be golden brown but not burned so watch it carefully.

“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” -J. R. R. Tolkien

We are blessed with four daughters.  They enjoy accessories, clothes and makeup.  One is so young that she is just in the playing stage.  I think it is delightful that they are concerned about their appearance.   I have used this as a spring board to train our daughters about proper hygiene and manners.  After all, how can one begin to wear makeup and beautiful jewelry if they do not understand the importance and function  of soap, water, shampoo and toothpaste?

I have found that girls need training in the area of personal hygiene up into their early teen years.  Girls between the ages of 9 and 13 really struggle in this area.  They are beginning to care for their own personal needs. However, they often require more specific instructions and follow-up than one might think.

Make certain your daughter is washing her hair correctly.  Does her hair shine and look healthy?  I have washed my daughter’s hair in the sink when I found that she needed additional instruction in this area.  It was fun.  She felt like she was at a salon as well as having a lesson.  Consider similar situations that would allow you to encourage and train your daughter.

More importantly,  we have instilled in our daughters the importance of outward beauty and accessories being a reflection of their heart.  If one is sullen, angry, unhappy or bitter, there isn’t any amount of makeup or jewelry that will cover up these attitudes.  Whatever is on the outside must be an indication of what is on the inside.  Teach your daughters to accessorize their hearts first.

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Prov. 31:30

]]> http://www.bonavitablog.com/2008/06/fair-vanity/feed/ 0 http://www.bonavitablog.com/2008/06/fathers-day/ http://www.bonavitablog.com/2008/06/fathers-day/#comments Fri, 13 Jun 2008 09:17:23 +0000 momofnine http://bonavita.wordpress.com/?p=65 Honor your husband Sunday as the father of your children.  Bless him with gifts.  Cook his favorite meal.  Allow him to enjoy your home and children in a peaceful setting.  Or, perhaps, send him off to enjoy his favorite sport.

Include in your gift-giving a promise to read Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.  In my 26 years as a wife, I have read a number of both Christian and secular books on marriage.  None has so profoundly affected my personal views on this subject as Dr. Laura’s book.

This book offers wonderful suggestions and practical techniques for improving your marriage and family life. However, much more importantly,  it transformed my mindset and spirit concerning marriage, husbands and men.  She took the biblical principals that I have known for years and drove them home with vivid dialogue and real-life examples.  I laughed.  I cried.  I was convicted.

Our Fearless Leader with his crew

Now, I would like to share with you a delicious chicken recipe that I have been tweaking for years.  It is my husband’s favorite dish.  Of course, I will be serving it on Father’s Day.

Parmesan Encrusted Stuffed Chicken Breast

16 boneless, skinless trimmed chicken breasts

8 oz. butter plus16 small (1×1/2 inch)  pieces

20 oz. Italian seasoned breadcrumbs ( if you make your own generously season with garlic and oregano)

1 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese

Pre-heat oven to 325 degrees.  Melt 8 oz. of butter in a small skillet over low to medium heat.  Do not let the butter brown.  On a large plate, combine the breadcrumbs and the parmesan cheese.  Meanwhile, place the chicken breasts between wax paper and gently pound with a kitchen mallet until each breast is about 1/4  to 1/2 inch thick.

Now, place a piece of butter on each breast and roll up the chicken breast, tucking in the ends.  Dip the chicken in the melted butter covering it completely.  Dredge the breast in the breadcrumb mixture.  Make sure each chicken breast is generously coated with breadcrumbs.  Place each piece of chicken, side-by-side, in a large glass baking dish.

Drizzle the remaining butter over the chicken breasts, making certain to completely cover all of the chicken.  You may have to melt additional butter at this point.  Cover the chicken with foil.  Chill for at least 1/2 of an hour.  Bake for 45 minutes.  The chicken should be golden brown. Serve with  White Rice with Chardonnay and Herbs. Serves…many.

“Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!” – Lydia Maria Child

Participating in activities as a group actually is beneficial to  large families similar to ours.   I rarely find myself torn between needing to attend two or more of my childrens’ events simultaneously.  This would be a strategic nightmare!  Instead, we are all generally together.  When we golf, we all golf; when we play tennis, we all play tennis; when we travel, we all travel (11 seats on an airplane has made it necessary to book through the airline’s group sales); and when we bike, we all bike.

Our children, particularly our daughters, share a great deal of time in the kitchen with me.  They have participated in cooking from an early age.  But this past weekend I discovered that I have not been passing on crucial information to them as we worked.  I assumed they  know that I never follow recipes.  Don’t get me wrong: I usually have a recipe in front of me when I cook; I just rarely follow it.

The disconnect came about because my daughters were under the impression that I followed these recipes, word for word.  The enlightening moment came when my daughters realized that the chocolate chip cookies I served our family were not created from the recipe found on the package of chocolate chips.

At first, they felt slightly misled.  You see, my family loves my chocolate chip cookies.  They usually rave about them.  The girls’ cookies rarely receive this reaction.  How could they have been working with an incorrect recipe for so long?  Did their own mother actually dupe them?  Of course not.  I merely failed to share vital pieces of my recipe with them.  It was simply a break-down in communication.

I am now going to be more committed to recording my recipes.  And now, for those cookies…

Chocolate Chip Cookies

4 1/2 cups flour

2 tsp baking soda

2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking powder

1 1/2 cups granulated white sugar

1 1/2 cups brown sugar

2 cups shortening

2 tsp vanilla

5 eggs

2 1/2 cups chocolate chips

Mix the first four ingredients in a medium mixing bowl.  Set aside. Cream shortening and sugar on medium-high speed until light and fluffy.  Add vanilla to the shortening mixture.  Add eggs, one at a time, whipping at medium-high speed after each egg is added.  Scrape bowl frequently.  Add flour mixture to the shortening mixture about 1 cup at a time, mixing on medium speed until all of the flour mixture is incorporated into the shortening mixture.

Add the chocolate chips, gently folding them into the mixture.  Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.  Bake at 375 degrees for about 10 minutes or until they are just turning a light golden brown.  Do not overbake.  Let cool for  about 30 seconds on cookie sheet.  Place on racks to completely cool.  Store in airtight container.  Makes about 9 dozen cookies.

“He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers…” –Malachi 4:6

My sous-chef needs vary from day to day.  I may need vegetables cut up, fruit arranged on a platter, rice started, or the table set.  I usually prepare the dinner plates, as they  would be served in a restaurant, and then place them on the table.   Sometimes my sous-chef just helps me with this task.  My children learn early on how to arrange a meal on a plate in an attractive manner.

The sous-chef’s responsibilities in our house are directly related to the age of my children.  My youngest children can set the table correctly and they enjoy stirring whatever marinate I am preparing.  They are terrrific at unwrapping bouillon cubes!  My 11-year-old daughter loves to be creative when she sets the table, including folding the napkins into ”candles” or “swans”.  She has learned to help me cut up vegetables and fruit and makes a great chocolate pudding for one of my trifles.   My older daughters can prepare delicious rice.  This is a tremendous help as I serve rice on many occasions.  They actually can prepare complete meals and call for their own sous-chef when needed.   My older sons’ sous-chef responsibilities range from pouring drinks to grilling chicken.

From an early age, children enjoy helping in the kitchen.  Utilizing their energy and training them in age-appropriate kitchen skills will allow you to enjoy cooking in a less stressful manner.

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

If you chose to remain at home you had to make up for this by providing the latest decor, face painting, jumping equipment and even a clown or character to provide entertainment at the party.  Of course you also had to provide lovely adult fare for the parents as you could not serve them the age-appropriate food the children were enjoying.  In the end, you were exhausted. Your child was grumpy from over-stimulation and overwhelmed by too many gifts.  You absolutely had spent  too much money.  In the long run,  no one really benefited from this experience.

The point of a birthday party is to honor your child and to make the day particularly special.  This can be accomplished in a lovely and stress-free manner.

The changed face of our birthday celebrations was evident yesterday as we honored our daughter who turned seven.  We started the day by blessing her with birthday wishes, hugs and kisses.   She picked her menus for breakfast, lunch and dinner (nothing terribly lavish but it was her choice!).   She observed the finishing touches on her favorite birthday cake, a cheesecake.

The actual ”party” was thrown in the afternoon with only our immediate family present.  Our dining room was decorated with  a princess motif complete with pink streamers, party favors and a tiara for the guest of honor.  We tied pretty pink balloons to the chairs with pink satin ribbon.  All in all, it looked quite festive.  We sang, she blew out the candles, I read her a birthday letter recapping her year and we feasted on cake and pink lemonade.  Everyone played musical chairs and our daughter unwrapped a few presents.  We all enjoyed the party and our daughter was thrilled with it.  She was blessed and honored, but not overwhelmed.

Birthday celebrations can be memorable, special events for your family without elaborate staging and costs.

Children, if given the choice, would opt to live in a lovely, uncluttered environment.  They prefer a beautiful world as much as anyone.  They simply need to understand how to achieve this.   They also need to understand why they should help around their house.  Here the issues of gratitude and respect need to be discussed.  Someone, their father or mother or  perhaps both, is working very hard to provide a lovely home for them.  A child can learn early on to demonstrate thankfulness by simply  appreciating their home and doing their part to maintain it.

Start small…expect them to keep their bedrooms clean and chaos free.  This training is easily accomplished if you start when your children are young. However, even the habits of your older children can be modified.

Go through your children’s rooms with them.  Be relentless.  Throw unwanted trash and even “treasures” away.  This will be painful at first.  Make files for special pictures and projects that need to be saved forever.  However, your children must learn that certain items, probably most, are not worthy of saving.  You also must model this in your life.  They will catch the spirit.  Go through their clothes and triage . . . clothes to wear, clothes to discard and clothes to pass on.  Repeat this process with toys and sporting equipment.   Leave no corner untouched.  Look under the bed, as this is a haven for trash and treasures.  If you need to utilize the space under the bed,  use containers to control and manage this area.  The closet floor and shelves should also be de-cluttered and organized.

Now, actually clean the bedroom with your child.  Dust and vacuum.  Don’t forget the floor boards and the window sills.  Show your kids how to make their rooms shine and they will love it.   Make sure they know when to change their linens.  Train your children to make their beds each morning.  A presentable bedroom begins with a bed that is made.  No one likes to end their day by crawling into an unmade bed.  Yuck.

This will be an on-going process.  You will have to continually train your children.  Your expectations should be age-appropriate, but the key is to have expectations.  Everyone will benefit.  Your family will be blessed by living in a neat environment.

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” –Proverbs 22:6